Today, I was making a nacho and grabbed some refried beans that were in a plastic container out of the fridge and put them on top of the chips. After I’m completely done eating my mom looks in the fridge and asked me if I knew where the cat food was. I just ate a small can of cat food. FML
Today, my daughter walked in on me taking a shower. She said, “Hey, yours is the same size as Dylan’s!” My daughter has seen Dylan’s penis, which apparently is the same size as mine. My daughter and Dylan are 7. FML
So I’ve been on a bit of a break from tumblr. Mostly because it was taking over my life and preventing me from studying, but also because my keyboard is really screwed up so it is difficult to post things. I’m done school for the semester on Friday, so I’ll be back for good then.
Today, I took my pet boa consrictor to the vet because it was eating funny and acting weird. He used to sleep on my bed curled up, but recently he started lying straight, right next to me. The vet said that he was measuring how long I was to see if he’d be able to swallow me. FML
Today I went to a bar with two guys I was interested in. The first I’d been trying to go out with all semester. The second I had gone to dinner with and he seemed nice. I was the designated driver, they drank too much and on the way home hooked up in the back seat. FML
Today, I parked my car on the side of a street downtown right where I recently had my car broken into through the window. I covered my window and put a sign up saying,”Please do not break in. No valuables.” I came back to another window being busted in and a sign that said “Just checking :)”. FML